A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
