Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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