Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
