I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
