Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
