i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
