Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
