your room smells of hookers.
And success
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
