They should really pass out barf bags in church
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
