this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
