I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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