So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
