I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
