we're blogging at a bar
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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