rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
