I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
