i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
