He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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