Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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