I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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