told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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