whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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