I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
