Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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