All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
