I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
