Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
