i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
