shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
