I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
