I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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