i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
