Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
