Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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