Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
