Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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