; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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