1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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