So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
