ADVERTISEMENT

• (812): View more from Indiana

  her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.

  Fav 8 3492 772

  share tweet
  

• (904): View more from Florida

  i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.

  Fav 13 6589 1201

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ

  Fav 62 1956 3351

  share tweet
  

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper

  Fav 57 28705 1989

  share tweet
  

• (250): View more from British Columbia

  i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl

  Fav 3 1072 2668

  share tweet
  

• (443): View more from Maryland

  theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.

  Fav 5 2996 1259

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.

  Fav 3 815 1673

  share tweet
  

• (404): View more from Georgia

  Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?

  Fav 2 604 1435

  share tweet
  

• (619): View more from California

  So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...

  Fav 2 810 781

  share tweet
  

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard

  Fav 1 1048 619

  share tweet
  

• (503): View more from Oregon

  Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway

  Fav 0 715 384

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (406): View more from Montana

  I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.

  Fav 6 308 134

  share tweet
  

• (204): View more from Manitoba

  can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale

  Fav 6 161 84

  share tweet
  

• (847): View more from Illinois

  Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays

  Fav 0 20 22

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (647): View more from Ontario

  From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!

  Fav 0 13 57

  share tweet
  

Randomize