and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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