some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
