I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Two words: blizzard sex
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
