rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
