So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Randomize
