I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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