i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
