Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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