I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
