for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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