We're facebook friends in real life
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
