New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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